Those who have an arranged marriage often tell me that they have a practical old fashioned marriage that is likened to a to-do list, but the connection is missing. The soul connect, however, is what often leads to tumultuous passion and expensive messy roller coaster relationships and divorces. The biggest takeaway, whether in arranged or love situations, is to foster authenticity and gauging that astutely in others.
Having said that, there are umpteen amounts of cases where the situation of arranged marriages and the cultural context forces people to lie about their past and future because they know they are being judged in a harsher light than if you were sitting opposite each other on a private first date for the purposes of exploration rather than marriage.
Without fail, the majority of arranged set up marriages I have seen as clients, and also personally, have lied about crucial aspects such as health history, sexual history and financial assets. The biggest takeaway, whether in arranged or love situations is to foster authenticity and gauging that astutely in others. Cilona also agrees that there's something to be said for not relying solely on the romantic feelings you have toward a potential partner in order to make smarter choices in love. Kankariya attributes evaluating shared values as an important part of the equation for a successful arranged marriage.
Arranged Marriage Analysis Essay
If these core values match up, the rest of life is a puzzle piece that you put together as a couple. If core values match up, the rest of life is a puzzle piece that you put together as a couple. Both in traditional arranged marriages and in the reality show version, the level of commitment exhibited by each partner is heightened from what we see in traditional marriages. This season in particular, participants constantly reiterate the importance they place on marriage, and their deep desire to be a part of one.
This often means that commitment to working through issues is often put before personal needs and feelings. It is probable that they appear more attractive in India because the women who have the courage to live out of wedlock are more likely to be stronger and non-conformist and are therefore better able to stand up against abuse. I think looking back at the way things are back home in our nation, marriage has lost its stand long time back.. Live in relations well to be frank I dont know people back home who are into it , so cant really comment..
Although live in relations are looked with the wrong eye still.. IHM, you are right about all 12 points. The 13th point I wanted to bring up is the one Nidaa talked about — the danger of abuse in a live-in relationship. But in many cases nowadays, parents of daughters are stepping up to their roles, not putting up with it. We are indeed making progress in this area. One very conservative family I know recently asked their daughter to leave her abusive husband and come and live with them until she can support herself.
Are arranged marriages better than marrying for love?
However, we are not there yet, in terms of acceptance of live-ins. Looking at your list makes me wonder why people including myself got married in the first place. Being in a live-in relationship with the same patriarchal roles and without true liberation can make it just as bad as marriage or worse for women. Women have to learn to be full fledged adults first, before they enter any kind of relationship. Wake up. What IHM is talking about is highly common. I have no doubt that situations exist and that countless women need to be helped, including some friends of mine.
This post is far too much a generalization of marriage in India and the way I interpret it, leads me to think that marriages in India can never be happy. How can you agree with that? I think the guys were heads and shoulders better than myself. It took me two breakups to become a reasonable person.
Overall, I feel these points reflect the worst a woman can have in marriage, and many marriages if not most are better than these. This post compares marriage and live in relationships, and the way each generally might affect women. The wife of the lesser earning son in law is valued less, also the wife of the lesser earning son — we seem to value people based on how much they earn and who they marry.
Marriages where women are happy AND treated as equal partners are rare cases in India. Why should this blog ignore a problem faced by hundreds of women in the country? Pretending that a problem does not exist is not doing anyone any favours. The generalization is completely justified in this case.
Arranged marriages are typically worse than relationships for both guys and girls. For many people, marriage is live in relationship with a certificate — meaning the commitment is the same. For many, the abusive relationship is what is difficult to get out of — whether they are married or not.
Socialization runs deep, it is tough to break off a relationship, any relationship. I think on paper, live in relationships looks like people can walk in and out. But in practice, people do commit a lot more when they decide to live in with each other.
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And if you look at it, except for the certificate, a lot else is similar. I have often had a certain doubt regarding live-in relationships. Maybe this is the place to get it clarified. I have always believed or given to understand that live-in relationships are a sort of testing grounds for people to check if married life will work for them.
It gives them a chance to walk out if things do not work out. Why do some people who decide to have children, decide to not get married? But otherwise what is the problem in getting the couplehood registered? In some European countries, the process of getting a divorce is pretty expensive. Many choose to stay in live-in relationships and raise a family. Yes, children require a huge commitment but that can still be independent of the partner — the commitment is from a parent to the children.
Getting couplehood registered should be a choice in and of itself, regardless of children. Why are divorces so hard to get in the first place? I am not talking about staying together for the sake of kids but the decision that they are a couple at all. People can want to be parents regardless of other things in life. They could also find a relationship later in life, after kids…. Parenting and a relationship are completely separate things. I am European and I was in a live-in relationship for 15 years and had 2 kids.
The Marriage Of Marriage And Marriage
We thought it was a stronger comitment to decide everyday if we wanted to be together and not ask permission from anyone being it family, state or else. It was a difficult time and years later my ex is still being nasty, and I am really happy we have this Court order. I got married to another man 3 years ago, and I changed my mind about marriage. I do feel there is something stronger and also more romantic about marriage versus live-in relationships.
SO I would have to agree with you. In India, you need a marriage for two people to stay peacefully together, here in EU at least the ceremony of marriage is totally redundant. Thank you. A lot of people just love the idea of a quick and easy exit if required. Humans are symbolic creatures. Abvblogger: Thank you.
But that kind of brings me back to my original question. But the other things are the same. Like 1. Love being important and having to be nurtured 2. Working continously on the relationship. Division of Chores. Regular battle of the sexes. Breakups hurt. In several European countries, a woman who has kids with a certain man is treated legally as a wife and is entitled to certain rights. Many people may consider it as just a legal paperwork and it does not really bother them whether they are married or not. You may be interested in reading about the evolution of marriage in our societies.